Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
