Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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