thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize