My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I faked an abortion last night.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
