I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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