Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
