dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
