who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
