First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
