I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
