I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
you never un-have a 4some
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
