I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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