i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
