I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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