She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
