either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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