These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
