a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
