i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize