Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
