I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
