so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
