Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
