Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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