I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
