Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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