we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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