i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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