I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Too much gin, very little bucket
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
