The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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