I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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