You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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