An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
