just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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