I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
