was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
