just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
