Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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