so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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