even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
