Your mouth is God's brothel.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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