Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
