I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
