Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Umm I'm too high to move.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
