just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
