i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
