girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
