My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize