Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
