Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
