you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize