I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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