yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
