dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
