Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
