Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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