break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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