I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
