My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize