i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
this hospital has no fireball
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize