god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
