well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
