so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
