I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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