i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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