Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
