I haven't been this sober since birth.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
