I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
