you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
