Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
