I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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